I was recently in a local coffee shop overhearing, and this occasional poem came out of it:
Bobby said sundown in the city.
I heard him say seven times seven.
What is a screening memory?
I know he wants hot dogs.
They make him sit outside with a popsicle.
With the exception of the last two, the lines are all overheard. I like what I found. I guess they’re not strictly overheard, but reporting on overhearing, so then line four counts as overheard too.
But I’m troubled by my last line’s “make.” The situation doesn’t seem to call for a word that strong. “Send” might be better. I think a faster line, like “They send him out with a popsicle” might match the pace better, but then I miss the way sit and outside sound together. Anyway, to my ear, make goes back and enforces a possible mis-hearing of screening to screaming. Is this just me?
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