Mark Helprin Hates Dolphins

Mark Helprin strikes again, with a book (Digital Barbarism: A Writer's Manifesto or Why You Should Get Off My Lawn) arguing, as he did back in 2007, that copyright should be extended as long as possible. An article—Hands Off, It's Mine—in today’s WSJ reveals something of the sort of mindset that would want to “protect” a writer’s work in perpetuity:

when the copyright term expires, the "remixers" will be free to swoop in. He imagines their taking "A River Runs Through It" and transforming it into "a transvestite musical with dolphins."

So flarfing or any sort of remixing, quoting, parody, etc is equivalent, in Helprin’s adolescent imagination, what he no doubt regards as sexual perversion.
        Aside from the obvious issues with normativity and general uptightness, this is reminiscent of arguments from the Old Days when T. Rex (Marvin bellicosus) ruled the workshops: “Grrr. Arrgh. Critics pervert my intentions. Grr.” Snarkiness aside, the problem seems to me to be one of anxiety about interpretive efforts. I’m generally annoyed by Harold Bloom’s theory of Big Bees, ephebes, and wannabes, but it seems Helprin has heard the prophecy and fears his lamed child is coming to, well, you know the story.

That this WSJ article comes out on May Day is obviously intentional. A snippet from the Amazon Product Description suggests that the “remixers” are all motivated by a “selfish desire to ‘stick it’ to the greedy corporate interests” that will eventually not only threatens the (Ooh, what will it be? The Republican Party? Helprin’s sexual potency? The sanctity of marriage?) “possibility of an independent literary culture [and] the future of civilization itself.”
        Lordy lordy.
        I wonder if Helprin would have been incensed by Finnegan’s Wake. I imagine the Beastie Boys really get his (old) goat.

A final note: I came up with my “remix” of Helprin’s title before reading the comments of a customer on Amazon, one J. Yeoman, entitled “Hey you kids! Get off my lawn!” That’s independent invention right there!